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Wow it has been a long time.   
07:33am 22/01/2012
  I received an email today warning that livejournal was going to purge an inactive community if I did not post an entry within 15 days. I went to check it out, I barely even remembered it. The reason, it turns out, that I barely remember it, is because no one ever posted. Oh well, bye bye community. It has however prompted me to post an entry for nostalgia's sake. And here it is.  
I miss the pull of your heart.   
08:52am 24/07/2009
  I can’t wait to get my own place. I have had people suggest I stay here as long as I can and save money, but it’s not so easy. Don’t tell me you know it’s tough to live with the folks. Everyone knows that, but geez. I feel like I get the blame for so much. I feel like I make their life harder. If I move out,
They can’t blame me for,
The toilet getting hung up, using too much water, taking to long a shower, running the well dry, filling up the septic tank, staying on the phone too long, breaking the phone, misplacing the phone, leaving the phone off the hook, leaving lights on, having the ac too low, no room in the fridge, no room in the freezer, no room in the cabinets, not be able to get on the computer, not locking the bolt lock at night, not bracing the door.
They can’t blame me for messing up a nine hundred dollar sofa, or a three hundred dollar rug, or leaving stuff on.
They can’t blame me for my car being in the way, or not putting a chair back out of the rain when I put it back where I found it, out in the rain. It will be their house with their problems and I will have my own place with my own problems.
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i heard your words the other day.......they echoed around in my mind   
01:26pm 30/05/2009
  I am in shock. Someone sent me a message on myspace offering a gig at a local spot. They said they like the "vibe" or something like that. Wow........  
confused again.   
08:02am 27/05/2009
  i am in complete shock at how much I am hurting. I didn't even think this was possible anymore. I was told that I never made her feel like I wanted to be with her long term. I just can't understand it. How could she possibly see it that way????  
can i handle the seasons of my life....   
09:06am 24/05/2009
  Went somewhere yesterday that I have not been in at least twenty years. White Lake. It was a nice day trip. Got to swim a little and ride a couple of rides. I learned how to play a new song a couple of days ago. I learned how to play Landslide. I have rather enjoyed knowing how to play it too. Now, I am gonna go eat my bagel and finish getting ready.  
She pointed at the balck cloud in the sky, says that's what happens when you learn to fly...   
03:51pm 16/05/2009
  I FINALLY HAVE A HEARING DATE FOR DISABILITY!!!! I just got the letters from my lawyer a couple hours ago. I am working on gathering some information. It is scheduled for June 15th. Wish me luck. Light a candle. Pray to whatever god you believe in, and ask him or her to forward a message to my god. Cross your fingers, etc.....  
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The mother of all PRG's !   
08:59am 16/05/2009
  I am back home. I came back thursday. I have kept myself pretty busy. I have had to run to the store several times. I had to run a few errands like taking back library books, selling school books. I went out to dinner night before last, and lunch yesterday and a movie last night. Didn't think I would be this busy. I have so much catching up to do on facebook.  
Once upon a midnight dreary, I woke with something in my head....   
09:20pm 12/05/2009
  I haven't updated this thing in so freakin long. It's so sad. I am going to try and make it a point to update more. Lets see how long I last. I find myself in Erie, PA for the past month, hanging out with a friend that I met on here, or was it deadjournal? either way, here I am. I have seen new and interesting things. At least they where interesting to me. Like the grocery store where you have to put a quarter in the cart to unhook it form the rest and use it, and when you are done you return it and get your quarter back. Very interesting. I got to see one of the great lakes, lake Erie to be exact. Probably figured that one huh? I got to see a light house. I took pictures because my mom is a lighthouse nut and would be so upset if I did not take pictures. I went to an art museum, with was neat and extremely puzzling at the same time. I saw an old wooden sailing ship, the Niagra. Anyhow, the list goes on. I am heading back to NC Thursday. I am partially ready to go home, it has been a while, but I have really enjoyed my stay here and everyone agrees I fit in rather well. Heck they talked me into staying an extra two weeks as it is.  
its been a while   
09:51pm 22/11/2008
why do I bother
Life rumbles on   
09:36pm 11/01/2008
  The last few days have been a living hell. My marriage is over. My wife and son are gone, and it is all my fault. It was bound to end, but I sure could have handled things better. Right now things are calm. I haven't seen that in a while. When all the dust settles perhaps I can start picking up the pieces.  
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11:14am 22/09/2007

The ICD device I have is getting low on juice. The battery is getting to low to effectively help and it is time to replace it. I am scheduled for surgery tuesday to have just that done. Sometimes I hate this device and have pondered not getting it replaced. Not replacing it could very well spell my death the next time my heart acts up and there is nothing there to stop it.

I have to be there at seven in the morning and wait around who knows how long till it is time for me. Hope all goes well, not to say that it won't.

09:58pm 14/07/2007
  I never update (like you haven't noticed.) Well some people probably havent but they are not reading this entry either so yeah. The thought of deleting this journal has fleeted though my brain, but there are memories there. I should at least do a friends cut. While I do read my friends list from time to time, there are alot of people on there that i just barely pay attention to. It's not you, it's me (sorry if you have heard that before.) There is only one person on my friends list that we actually talk, but we haven't done alot of that lately and it makes me sad. I feel as if we are out of touch. You know who you are. You are probably the only person reading this.

Ok, well there is one other person that I get to talk to "once in a blue moon,' but she is more of a DJ than an LJ friend. Anyhow.

To my pogo buddy, I miss you, where are you? To my DJ buddy, when I strike it rich I am heading to 23rd street body piercing and you better be there.
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instant dry mist   
10:37am 19/06/2007

Fathers day just passed. Nicole wanted to get me a nice present. I had to tell her no. We didn't have the money. She wanted to get me a tattoo. I thought for few days about what I was gonna get. I settled on getting some work done on that pac man sleeve I have been wanting. I started to worry if we would have enough money and after some talking with Nicole we decieded not to do it. I got a game for my nintendo instead.

It turned out to be a wise choice. After bills and a nice dinner we only have two hundred left in the bank. It is gonna take 75 of that to buy medicines I need for the next 2 weeks. The rest of it could easily go for groceries. I should probably also mention that my car is acting up. The fuel pump isn't kicking on sometimes when I go to start it. It takes a few minutes and a few tries before it does. A new pump is gonna cost a hundred dollars. There is a chance it is some connection under the dash that might have gone bad. That part is 50 dollars. Next time it won't start I need to see if I can't find a grey box under the dash and tap it. It that gets it to work then I know the problem.

11:50am 08/06/2007
  We went to the lake a couple days ago. Zach had fun.

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I feel as if my mind is returning to state it has not been in for years.   
03:09am 02/06/2007

For the last few years now I have been on my own personal quest. Unfortunately it often takes a back burner to the other things going on in my life. I am trying to decided what I beleive in, spiritualy. The past year has been more productive in a sence.

Last year I began reading more into paganism. I had done this a few times before but never got very far. The places I lived did have many resources, the librarys sucked. I remember reading one book that left me asking way more questions than it answered. Lately however I have had some guidance. I have still only gotten so far, and I have been treading different paths.

In the midst of this all I tried to keep my mind open, and ended up attending a mormon church for a while. I can't say it felt like the direction I had to go, but more like a path I had to tread to better understand what I was/am looking for. In my mind that path has ended and I am back to where I was. I am happy none the less having taken that path. I feel I have learned from it and grown. I feel more prepared for the next journey. I am also starting to "discover" things that I beleive in.

Recently, more and more I have begin to understand more about the paths we all lead. I have always beleived that things happen for a reason, what reason and who's god is behind it usualy remain a variable. Those reason however I have come to realize are two fold. On one hand, I find myself in places helping others. I am usualy glad to do it. On the other hand however I take something away for myself, weather it be something new learned, or a personal reward, maybe both. Perhaps I should take a more active role in my path. Then again I should maybe keep my eyes peeled for what is next and make it a part of my life. I realize, weather I blame a christian god, a goddess, spirits, or mother nature, my path will be there for me regaurdless.

09:42pm 08/05/2007

Q: Did you own a Light Brite?


Q: Played with Strawberry Short Cake dolls?


Q: Played with Gi-Joes?


Q: Have a He-man or She-Ra toy?

Yes, definately he man

Q: Own a slinky?

yes, as often as possible

Q: Had a Jem doll?

a what?

Q: What about a Cabbage patch kid?

I don't think so

Q. Ever ride a big wheels?

well yeah

Q: Trade Garbage Pail kids?

yes I did

Q: Had a Popple?


Q: Had a Pound Puppy?


Q. Had a Huggabunch?


Q. A Snoopy snowcone maker?


Q. Did you have a slip and slide?

my folks where to cheap

Cartoons of the 80's: Did you watch the following cartoons?

Q: Thunder cats?

Yes, alot

Q: Jem?


Q: GI-Joe?

The real american hero?

Q: Rainbow Brite?

I tried not to

Q: Care Bears?

yes, guilty

Q: He-man or She-Ra?

oh yeah

Q: Fraggle Rock?

not that I remember, not back then

Q: Shirt Tales??

Duck tales?

Q. Jabber Jaws?

who, what?

Q: Smurfs?

of course

Q: Transformers

very much so, I had a ton of transformer toys too.

Q: Mighty Mouse?


Q: The Littles?


Q: Gummi bears?


Q: My Little Pony?

I tried not to

Q: Scooby Doo? And the Flintstones?


Q: Either of the Ghost Buster cartoons?

yes I did.

Q: Baby Muppets?

too much

Q:Inspector Gadget?

go go gadget (insert dodad here)

Shows of the 80's: Did you watch...?

Q. The A-Team?

That team of guys that no one could shoot that drove the black van?

Q: Charles in Charge?

I think so

Q: Dukes of Hazzard?

the orange car the could make screetchy tire sounds on dirt roads and across grass?

Q: Cosby Show?


Q: Hee-Haw?


Q: Miami-Vice?


Q: Knight-Rider?


Qunky Brewster?

oh yes

Q: Pee-Wee's Play House?

yes sadly

Q: Saved By The Bell?


Q: Silver Spoons?


Q: Just The Ten Of Us?


Q: Cheers?


Q: Dallas?

tried not to

Q: Love Boat?

some, maybe

Q: Incredible Hulk?

not really

Styles of 80's

Q: Did you have big bangs?

no, but I had a bowl cut once

Q: Have a mullet?

yes... sadly

Q: Liked Michael Jackson's music?


Q: Know the Golden Girls theme song?

and still do

Q: Wear Kangaroo sneakers?


Q: Own a pair of Guess Jeans?


Q: Wear Jordache jeans?


Q: Own anything LA Gear?


Q: Watch MTV a lot?

when my folks finally got cable, hell yeah.

Q: Have a pair of High tops?

never did, hated them.

Q: Have a Trapper Keeper?

yes, more than one

Q Own a Swatch watch?

not sure, maybe

Q: Own freezie freakies?

gonna go with no

Q: Did you love the 80's?

Love, not really, but some things about the 80's yes. Like good arcades and pac man, ms pac man, and donkey kong in every laundrymat
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my car is legal now...   
02:30am 08/05/2007

Not that my tags where expired, but I have been living here in NC for a couple of months now and I needed to get my tags and such. I got my drivers license thursday. Today I went to get tags for my car. They didn't cost quite as much as I thought they would, that was good news. I thought I would take the extra money and time I had (it went quckly) and get my car inspected. The muffler on my car has been rattleing for a while now, I knew it was a problem but I didn't think of it keeping me from passing inspection.

Lucky me there was a muffler shop just down the street and I got them to weld it up and fix the rattle and leak. I didn't expect to spend that money but it all worked out. The inspection was cheaper than I thought, only nine dollars. Basicaly the money I saved on tags and inspection went to fixing the muffler. I ran back to the shop that inspected it and told them I fixed it, they gave me a sticker and all is well.

Good that that is out of the way. Sucks that it took like 180 dollars to do it all, so again this paycheck we are not getting much of anything saved. Like I said though, that is behind me now.

But I wanted the one with the vampires   
05:54pm 28/04/2007

Another day. I hooked up my wii for a bit and got online with it. I checked to see if any interesting new games where avaliable on the VC, they where not. I went to compusa yesterday and they where still having their going out of business sale. I picked up the sims2 university and open for business. That is alot of new stuff, but it is captivating as usual.

reticulating spines   
08:52am 23/04/2007

Not alot going on lately. I guess that is good, I have not been running myself silly. I have been sitting around playing the sims the last couple of days. I installed it onto my mom's computer. Gosh it ran so slow. I couldn't stand it, I went and got my computer out of storeage and snuck it here. Just the box, I am using moms monitor, keyboard, speakers, etc. It runs so smooth. Yeah.

Hopefully Zach's birth certificate will come soon. I am running out of time. I also got a letter from disability saturday. They are already looking into my case. It took about 8 months for nevada to do that. Hmmm, what does it mean.

01:39am 29/03/2007
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Musician

Doo doo de doo waaaa doo de doo! (<-- That's you playing something.) Everyone appreciates the band/orchestra geeks and the pretty voices. Whether you sing in the choir, participate in a school/local band, or sit at home writing music, you contribute a joy to society that everyone can agree on. Yay! Welcome to actually doing something for poor, pathetic human souls. (Just kidding.)

Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Social Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
Drama Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type?
Quizzes for MySpace
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